Wednesday, 14 January 2009

You can't bulltwit a bulltwitter


Welcome, content trufflers! A recovered and re-energised Tin Blott here, with an iron grip on the safety handrail of future profit as I take another radical step forward in the modern world of newsletter publishing. I refer, of course, to the brand-new social networking apparatus known as Twittery-Twit. No longer will you have to wait days between Tin Blott's A: Total Content updates as I painstakingly craft each post, a single extended chipolata digit hovering over the keyboard for seemingly an age as my porcine eyes dart back and forth in search of the next required lette... r. 
Twittery-Twit allows everyone to become my followers, which seems only right, and the whole process is so remarkably straightforward that even a fictional internet counterpart who only exists as a warped, buffoonish yet still terrifyingly perceptive reflection of reality could do it. Simply log on to the website at www.twitter.com ... then, um, well maybe you have to register before you can really do anything. 
Anyway, Mr Rumpus has me logged on there somewhere as TinBlott, and my faithful teddy companion is also working toward functionalising my compelling, unique, quality Twit content onto this very blog. If this doesn't elevate our newsletter company's standing in the wider community, well I quite frankly don't know what will!

While I let that paradigm-shattering announcement sink in, let's proceed with business as usual. As you know, content is always at the top of my agenda – hence my blog's intriguing title – so let's hurry along to number B on my to-do list: answering reader's queries, contextualising idle speculation and suffocating rumour and hearsay. Who's first?

To: Tinny B
From: Anonymous
Dateline: 13 January 2009 10:30

Dear Tin. Aren't you concerned about being strung up by your swiss curls during a wildcat strike. I would!

This is a serious forum, Anonymous, for those that take the future of newsletter production seriously. I don't care for your tone. Next!

To: Tinny B
From: Anonymous
Dateline:13 January 2009 10:38

Never fear Tin Pot, the paper must go on and there's a fine remedy to any paper woes. Simply add some of our wonderful Blotting paper and all will be well. Yes, exciting times ahead for all in the PP (parochial press).

Parochialism is a state of mind, Anonymous 2. (Mind you, so is clinical Lycanthropy.) Enough! Such mocking talk wearies me. Mr Rumpus? Fetch me some more of your recuperative broth! 

Do you have a question you'd like to put to Tin? Well, why don't you keep it to yourself for the time being? Unless, of course, it might be considered constructive. In which case, post it in the comments below and the king of content will tackle your query in a future post, possibly after finding it surprisingly difficult to meet his own gaze in the mirror while washing his hands for what seems like the thousandth time

2 comments:

  1. Wilfred Brambell14 January 2009 at 22:50

    less twitt stuff, more TomTom-Steptoe analysis plz

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear Tin,

    Some crucial questions ...

    1. Coke or Pepsi?
    2. Rob Bruce or Rob Halford? (it's a leather thing).
    3. Oasis or Blur?
    4. Are you into the 'group' thing and does Mrs Blott know? ;o)
    5. Tommy Atomkinder or Albert Steptoe?
    6. Content or credibility?
    7. Boxes or no boxes?
    8. PA or India?
    9. Brylcreem or Royal Crown?
    10. Journalist or mother slept with a journalist?

    Love and kisses,

    MDH

    ReplyDelete